Friday, August 18, 2006

Friday Top 10

Top 10 ways to get noticed by an editor...

10. Enclose a self addressed stamped rejection letter.

9. Sit outside his or her office building holding a sign that says “will write for Starbucks.”

8. Enclose a photo of yourself lunching with Oprah Winfrey.

7. TP his or her house with your last twelve manuscripts.

6. Be washing his/her car when they step outside to leave for work (do not attempt this in conjuction with #7).

5. Buy a Starbuck’s franchise and name a special blend after him/her.

4. Run for President and demand as many recounts as necessary to get your face on camera every day.

3. Give birth at a writer’s conference (obviously, women have the advantage in this whole publishing game).

2. Pretend to be a fire inspector and deliver your manuscript one citation at a time.

And the number one way to get noticed by an editor….

1. Marry one.*

* The ensuing ugly divorce will give you great fodder for a blockbuster “tell all,” which competing editors will stand in line to contract!

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love reason #8. That ought to just about do it.

Ane Mulligan said...

I love #10! Funny stuff, Ron! Thanks for a Friday chuckle. :o)

Kristy Dykes said...

Great post. Enjoyed it.

Melanie Dickerson said...

Funny!
But I couldn't help thinking, do I want to be NOTICED or do I want to be PUBLISHED?

Heather said...

I've started sending the rejection letters with Post-It "sign-here" stickies.
Wash a car, huh? I don't remember the color of my own car.

eileen said...

Okay, you win, I've added you to my list of blogs to read each week. Funny. Sorry, I'm not an editor and hold no clout. Only prayer.

Martha W. Rogers said...

Great job, Ron. I'm past the age for giving birth or marrying an editor, so I'll opt for self enclosed rejection notice. Didn't realize you had such a sense of humor. Hmm, I'll have to check back for more.

Cindy Woodsmall said...

Hilarious! Thank you.

Marion Kelley Bullock said...

Funny, funny! ROFLOL!

Marion

CHickey said...

Thanks for ending the work week with a laugh!

Janny said...

I did notice there's a preponderance of Starbucks here, but no chocolate. Isn't chocolate written into every contract?

Or is that a fried chicken stain that appears on every manuscript that's actually been read...?

Never mind.

Keep up the good words!
Janny

Cara Putman said...

What a hoot! Thanks for the chuckles.

GeorgianaD said...

I'm starting to look forward to your Friday Top 10 lists! Where do you come up with it all? Experience?!?

Paula said...

Thanks for the chuckles this morning!

Michelle said...

Absolutely hilarious. You ought to sell these babies. How creative!!! Maybe you could make wallpaper and allow people to download it for a few bucks!

:-)Ronie said...

hilarious!!! I'm not digging the whole give birth thingie--done that enough. :-D I like all those with mention of Starbucks. LOL

Gina said...

LOL! I like #3, but it might pack more punch if you were stuck in an elevator with editor while giving birth!!

For the guys, you could help deliver an editor's baby. That would get her attention!!! How could she not offer you a contract after that!

Rebecca Grabill said...

Too funny! I'm glad this list went beyond the obvious attention getters - like glitter in the envelope, boxes of chocolates sent UPS in July, neon stationary, etc.

Heather said...

You're not supposed to use neon stationary? ;)

Dineen A. Miller said...

LOL! I like #4. That's rich. I misread #8 at first and thought you said "Give birth TO a writer's conference." ROTFL!!! Yeah, so you can imagine my confusion to the rest of that one.
(insert rolling eyes here)

Rob Walker said...

Hi Ron -- #11 Roll your script up in the editor's Sunday paper for when his/her dog comes out to get the paper....
but to add a note of seriousness, which you need, Ron, try looking closely at dedication pages on books you admire, and if an agent or editor is thanked, and you have a 'similar' book in you, contact that person with a one page letter, a bio, and 'pitch'.
Target, target, target.

Rob Walker
City for Ransom, PSI Blue

Terri Gillespie said...

Hysterical! I don't normally read blogs . . . I know, it's unAmerican . . . but I'll read this one!

Julie Dearyan said...

They all sound good to me! lol!

Linda Fulkerson said...

Oh, Ron...
Do you take requests? I want to see a Top 10 list of excuses (make them GOOD ones) to give our spouses as to why our other "to-do" lists aren't done.(You know, the non-writing related life stuff, like cooking, cleaning, organizing our desks so they don't look like variations of Devil's Tower--think: Close Encounters of the Third Kind.) I've run out & could sure use some help here!

Ron Estrada said...

Hmmm...requests. This may be a challenge to my vast well of comedic intellect. I'm game. Anyone else?

Robin Cynclair said...

LOL...you, my friend, crack me up. And I really need it! Trust me, you made my day!