Today my wife will go to the doctor. Nothing serious, but my mind starts working overtime at these moments. Mind you, I'm the eternal optimist. Nothing ever goes wrong in my world. And if things do go wrong, I figure they were meant to be and something better always comes out of it.
Drives Kelly nuts.
But I'm driving along yesterday with the rain tapping my windshield and something forgetable playing on the radio, and all the possible outcomes of her doctor visit play in my mind. I see me sitting at work when she calls with the report I've always dreaded the most. I'd try to stifle the tears as I tell the guys I have to go.
My little scenario ends tragically, of course. And I'm actually starting to lose it as I drive. And it's just my imagination!
I used to think that it would be easier to lose a spouse the older you get. Now, I'm not so sure. She becomes such a part of me that it would be like getting half my limbs amputated to lose her. But there I go again, it's just a routine check-up.
I never used to be like this. But, by the time you get to forty, you see a lot. You know that life isn't always fair. You've watched people your age die or get stricken with some horrible disease. And you wonder when it will be your turn.
Jesus tells us not to worry. And I suppose I follow that order most of the time. But nothing is more fearful, I think, than being alone. It's hard not to worry about it.
Enough of that. I'll pray that everything will be fine. And I know everything will be fine, because we have a Savior who will heal our sufferings one day and wipe every tear from our eyes. I may have to live through some trials before that day, but I'm probably tougher than I give myself credit for.